Apeksha's pov

'Do couples in an arranged marriage kiss ?'

'Do most arranged marriages remain methodical rather than blossoming into something more ?'

'What is the rate of most successful marriages ?'

I stare at the screen. Too hard.

A kiss is supposed to be a moment of tenderness; an affectionate moment filled with passion and vulnerability. Though I shouldn't be thinking this. But I can't envision my parents having that, especially not with the type of relationship they had.

My throat is parched and my fingers tremble as I type another query.

'Are domestic violence rates higher in love marriages or arranged marriages ?'

I've searched numerous questions and read countless pages and people's thoughts and experiences; mostly which they shared anonymously. At this point I think my head is going to explode with all the information.

Overthinking is like an evil spirit that possesses the senses whenever it feels like. And no matter how hard I strive, I end up under its mercy.

It was quite surprising to see when the results said that violence rate is higher in love marriages than arranged ones.

I wonder if it's because many women in arranged marriages never get the chance to stand out ? Or because in our society many families still disapprove of love marriages. So once the girl chooses the man over the family, the men think they have won some copyright ?

I flinched feeling an arm wrap around my shoulder and hastily shut my laptop. Afreen jumped back, stumped from my reaction.

"Allah! Tumne to dara hi diya."

(God! You scared me.)

The last period was for leisure and like a paranoid dumbo, I spent it all sitting and banging my head in the corner of the canteen.

Afreen and Geet fill on the chairs of either side of mine by the time Naksh and Lakshman bring everyone's orders and take the empty chairs.

I was forced to munch on the french fries after initially refusing their offers. It doesn't feel right when they are always there to share and I'm refrainíng to spending a penny. Though they know about my situation, it doesn't sit well with my conscience.

Even a samosa seems to cost an arm and leg in the canteen. Bappa jane aisa kya milate hain ?

(God knows what they put in it ?)

"I'm all set for my masters." Afreen gushed, her eyes etched in excitement. "Can't wait to live in a new city."

I rounded my gaze to Geet, who quipped almost instantly, her voice stretching in a sigh, "I'm in dire need of a break and then some computer skills. Have listed some jobs for graduates."

My heart pinched and instantly guilt gripped me for getting envious of my own friends. How much I wish I knew where my life will go once I graduate ? I wish I too had the choice.

"We are planning for a trip. Apeksha, mind joining ?"

The twins exchanged a quick glance and I pinned them under my murderous glare. Annoyed by their lopsided boyish grin, I was about to pick something to smack their faces; however they were quick to raise their hands in surrender.

Growing up I did realise how stupid we all were and how bad it could have been if not for Om sir.

We bid bye to the twins and then hopped in the car's backseat of Afreen's parents. Today they were here to pick her up and offered a ride to Geet and me.

Looking at the couple, it was hard for me to accept that people arranged together can be so in love. The twins' parents had a love marriage and they are happier than ever. Geet's parents had an arranged marriage too and she likes to call her parents' relationship as an usual arranged couple.

And by all means I wish her definition of usual doesn't match with any of my definitions.

Shaking my head, I tried to shove back all these thoughts. My periods are to blame for all these disarray-ed thoughts clouding my head.

It didn't take long to reach the convenience store I work in shifts for. Thanking them, I mentally prepared myself for the next few hours of standing and smiling for the customers. Fuck the cramps.

Barely half an hour passed and my cramps were getting worse. With no customers in queue for purchase, I crouched behind the counter as my arms wrapped around my abdomen. I took deep breaths, trying to divert my mind from the pain.

Why only girls, Bappa ? Why not boys too ?

Someone tapped on the counter making me internally grown and I stood up simultaneously pulling an artificial smile on my face.

"Aap ?" My artificial smile instantly converted into a real one. I wasn't expecting him here.

(You ?)

He threw a quick glance around and then his gaze found mine again, "Definitely not my ghost."

With a muffled mocking guffaw, my eyebrows raise as he empties the basket filled with different kinds of chocolates and snacks at the billing counter.

"I was just supposed to pass by here and then got this long list sent from Vamika."

We continued to make a small talk while I finished with the billing and then handed the carry bag to him once finished.

"Here," I quirked a brow at the extended chocolate bar in my direction. "It will make you feel better."

For a moment all the pain was forgotten as my gaze kept drifting from the chocolate bar to his face. And when his lip etched into a smile - assuring and warm -, I swear I felt what authors mean when they write of butterflies in the tummy.

My voice was a little shaky because of the butterflies as I muttered a thankyou. Then I thanked him again for bringing back my phone. Otherwise I was mentally preparing myself to spend the next few months with a keypad phone.

"Aren't you leaving ?"

"Are you ?"

I was about to tell him that I still had a couple of hours of shift left when I caught the sight of a tall guy, the semblance too familiar. And it finally clicked when I had a proper look.

"You see that guy over there ? That one with cute glasses." My voice dropped to whisper as I leaned over the counter, peeping by his arm. "We were assigned together in an assignment during the first year. We used to have those cute kulfi dates."

I really had a good time with him. Moreover it was high time for me to check if my feelings for Om sir were another infatuation of mine or something real rooting ? The guy was nice, treated me well and I knew he liked me. Nonetheless it didn't feel good when at every chance I would start looking for him in him.

"You just ruined the definition of cute for me."

"Huhh ?"

"I don't find him cute."

"Of course you'll not unless you're into guys, you know ?"

Over his shoulder he shot me a glare and I got the cue to bottle up. He turned around, attention back at me as he removed the cashier cap from my head.

"Let me drive you home."

"But my shift isn't over." I told him.

His fingers pointed in a certain direction and my gaze followed. The 'open' sign board was flipped to 'close' and I got more confused.

"A staff member outside told me to be quick when I entered. They are closing the shop for the next few days."

When did that happen ? And why wasn't I informed ?

"Are you sure ?" I asked, uncertainly.

He hummed as I stepped away from the counter. His fingers wrapped around my forearm, steps already moving to the exit and in the meantime I hastily grab my stuff.

"Slow down. Let me go and say hello at least."

"Next time." I pouted at his admonishing tone and while he ushered me out of the store.

I hopped inside the car through the gate he had opened and then he followed suit in the driver's seat. Once I buckled my seatbelt and turned to him, he dumped the paper carry bag in my lap.

"Change of plan. Vamika has ordered it online so she doesn't need it anymore."

The car came to life as I open my mouth to deny, "But_"

"Do you want my money to go in waste ?" His eyebrows arched. "Moreover they seem to be of your liking."

I rummaged through the carry bag and most of it was actually my favourite. Thanking him, I turned on tha radio, my mind already wondering about the ingredients I'll need to make dhokla. Now it seems the perfect excuse to make something for him.

~

~

~

I suppressed my laughter when aunt Geeta, an old housekeeper at Somanis, told me about the mischief of her little granddaughter.

"Good evening, Madam."

I helped aunt Geeta to place down the tea tray and even served the tea on her behalf.

"Evening," Mrs. Somani finally spared a glance our way and then her focus was back on what she had been doing before.

Curiosity got the best of me and I stole a furtive glance at the MacBook screen. Courtesy to where I was standing and my good eyesight, I saw her scrolling through what seemed like bio data. And immediately my heart dithered.

"Apeksha ?"

Having my focus still on those bio data, my reaction sprouted delayed and even jolted, "Ji ?"

(Yes ?)

"How is college ? How many more months until graduation ?"

I smiled, not wanting to ponder if she really cared or just wanted to know how much longer I'll be occupying the servants quarters ?

"Just a few more months. And everything is going fine. Thankyou."

My little brother Akshay and I practically grew up here. Throughout these years, the Somani couple has been as neutrally kind as anyone would have been with their butler's children. That doesn't mean they approved of their own kids being kinder to us.

Although after that eventful accident around three years ago where my father died, they have been more kind. Even after my mother decided to move back to her hometown, they allowed me to have the servants quarter all for myself.

My brother is finishing his high school from there. And though I understand living in such a big city is more expensive, I couldn't leave college and my scholarship in mid semester. I managed to persuade Aai to permit me to finish graduation at the condition of taking full responsibility for my expenses on my own.

And it didn't seem quite problematic because ever since I turned fifteen, I've been trying to make money to at least cover my pocket money. I was just too fed up with my parents counting everything they spent on me.

"Vyom," My chain of thoughts were impeded by her vociferation and instinctively my gaze searched for him. "Come, have a look. I've sorted some great girls for you."

"Mom, I'm not interested."

"But have a look at least. They are all pretty and many have even gotten degrees in business."

"I'm not interested in anyone or marriage."

His voice has now shifted to the edge whereas I looked back and forth between him and his mother.

Mrs. Somani's eyes narrowed as she pressed, "Vyom."

"Are you really that concerned ?" He let out a chuckle, but there was no humour in it so far.

"You wouldn't join the business. The least you can do is to contribute by marrying a girl from a right background who would lend a hand."

I saw how hard his jaw hardened, a muscle twitching. He isn't a person who loses his calm that easily.

"Whenever, however and whoever I marry, my wife would live by her own choices."

For a fleeting moment his gaze collided with mine across the hall, though not long enough for me to decipher if he is so in denial because of his last relationship.

"You're already thirty. When are you going to settle down ?"

He didn't even wait for her to finish as he turned around and with powerful steps ascended the stairs.

And how much more stupid could my heart be than to yearn for someone who has been hurting for someone else for years ?

Signing off

T.R